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Wednesday, April 25, 2012

MRI song

When I heard this song... I instantly went into that zen I go into in the MRI machine. ( I think I have had way too many of these MRI visits if I am starting to get all zen about it...) Do you hear it?  The repetitive bonking bonging noise? I swear I heard that series of sound last time I was in the claustrophobic tube of loud sound. If you don't want to listen to the whole song the sound is at time marker 1:15.

Thursday, April 19, 2012


Pic: Bainbridge ferry in the rain.
When I get frustrated because of dizziness or brain ineptitude.... sometimes I remember directly post-stroke how I tilted when I walked and how I would bonk into doors on my left side (or whatever I was walking near), how I would have to pause to speak waiting for the words to sort out in my brain, how tired I was with muscles spasming in my legs.
I am learning to live with this episode in my life.
To give myself space and time to be this person I am today. I am realizing I was (am) an adrenaline junkie. I operated at work this way... fueling off of deadlines and coffee, sugar and straight shots of espresso. I miss that thrill, that addiction to a warm cup of brown stuff, but am willing to forgo that rush of energy for longterm health. Now I realize that crazy burst of energy I get from coffee puts my body in heart pumping irregularities NOT WORTH IT. That coupled with peri-menopause heart irregularities make me rethink my whole way of operating under stress. I had become very good at using my determination and caffeine to push my body into accomplishing tons of things. Without coffee, I now have to listen to my system say : Enough, we are done for the day -- even when my to-do list is not done.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Head Injury Club

Picture: Rose and Wilder laughing at the ice cream store.
My kids went to a coop preschool and a community driven public elementary school when we lived in Seattle. Yesterday we stopped in and visited their old grade school...Rose had not been there in six years, Wilder in four. They had a blast, saw all their old teachers and got hugs, and told stories. I was in the office with the Principal John and the wonderful office gals when it came out that the principal had a vessel burst in his brain last fall. We fell into that talk of doctors and PT and health. He did not have a stroke, but his recovery was similar since the burst blood vessel was in the same area. I told him it was nice to see someone who had a major brain trauma still out in the world (and running the school), that we tend to become invisible after a trauma such as this. We talked of slurred speech and dizziness when tired. After a bit John looked at me and said "Welcome to the club."