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Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Friends who can deal with illness, and those who can't

It has been somewhat of a shock for me to see how my friends handle my newfound medical challenges.  I have to say, I would have been a friend that didn't know what to do and became all awkward had one of them gotten sick first.  Maybe that is a lesson for me, I now am so much more amenable to calmly facing body calamity in others.  I can comfortably say that before when confronted with life threatening illness in others I did not know what to do and frequently overthought what I should do, what I could do for someone.  Now I just know to be there. To check in. Call. And listen.   It is funny the people I thought would be there through thick and thin are not, and others materialized from acquaintances into strong allies.  I am not grumpy to lose my  friends through this, I am just glad others stepped into the void. I didn't really lose them, they just are not there firmly in place as before.  They are there in recognition that they should be as a friend, but not there because they want to be.   And truth be told, I miss them.  You realize the role you play in any relationship if you cannot hold up your end of the traditional friendship for a while and the whole thing changes.  Everyone is left a bit adrift... since you have to redefine what it is you do for each other.  The problem with being competent is when you are not. 
This is more just a wistful meandering thought, not a written in stone treatise.  My friends are still present and accounted for and if I threw a hissy fit would be there for me in a minute.   I just don't have the energy or temperament right now for one of those.

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