It has been somewhat of a shock for me to see how my friends handle my newfound medical challenges. I have to say, I would have been a friend that didn't know what to do and became all awkward had one of them gotten sick first. Maybe that is a lesson for me, I now am so much more amenable to calmly facing body calamity in others. I can comfortably say that before when confronted with life threatening illness in others I did not know what to do and frequently overthought what I should do, what I could do for someone. Now I just know to be there. To check in. Call. And listen. It is funny the people I thought would be there through thick and thin are not, and others materialized from acquaintances into strong allies. I am not grumpy to lose my friends through this, I am just glad others stepped into the void. I didn't really lose them, they just are not there firmly in place as before. They are there in recognition that they should be as a friend, but not there because they want to be. And truth be told, I miss them. You realize the role you play in any relationship if you cannot hold up your end of the traditional friendship for a while and the whole thing changes. Everyone is left a bit adrift... since you have to redefine what it is you do for each other. The problem with being competent is when you are not.
This is more just a wistful meandering thought, not a written in stone treatise. My friends are still present and accounted for and if I threw a hissy fit would be there for me in a minute. I just don't have the energy or temperament right now for one of those.