Thursday, January 5, 2012
I can be rolling along in my regular life, listening to music, painting the house, brushing the horse, helping the kids with something, and a sneaking feeling comes along that this can all change or be taken away from me in a second. I know the stroke played havoc with my sense of security, my sense of living. I still don't trust my body fully to keep me alive at any given point. This is a natural thing and a natural course to our existence... that at some point we die. My sense of security in my survival was not a reality, it is the nature of a finite life and lifespan that there is an end. I am sure this will get easier the further I get away from my stroke, but sometimes it is an unbearable weight to carry. It is probably why I stay so busy, the tricky thing is that fear usually comes out in some other way.