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Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Waiting, or not.

Do you feel like you are getting "better"? Are the people around you patient? Are you patient? Do you remember when you travelled down the road unaware of what a stroke can really do?  Do you remember when strokes are what you have when you are quite mature in age, perhaps living in assisted living? Do you have a very different fear added to your emotional repertoire that you feel has been forced upon you? Do you have a view of what makes a life, and how you wish to enter death?

Some days I have a pot of roiling questions twisting through my brain.  I think they are actually always there in the background, I just don't recognize how they may change my approach to things.
I have mentioned before, I will say it again, my trust relationship with my body is sorely compromised. I spend a lot of time weighing, rationalizing, arguing, accepting, promising and planning.  I know nothing is certain, nothing is guaranteed. Except that I am here.  There can be no waiting for me in this life anymore.  Technically this is true for everyone, I feel like we have just had a bit louder reminder of our finiteness.    I know that, but I also forget.
How about you?

1 comment:

  1. I totally know where you are coming from, all this happened to me in 2003, I am a lot better than 5 or 10 years ago, but everything you say about how you are treated and how you feel about life is exactly what its like for me. Saw this because my mother has just had a severe stroke and I am slightly stressed to say the least, and my sister is misinterpreting my emotions as after effects of my brain trouble...hmmm